Pumpkin Pie
by dobbyfan18
Summary: Bits of Maraudery goodness floating in a sauce of random dialogue. Serve fresh with whipped cream. When finished, review! Bon appetit!
1. Pumpkin Pie

Why is he so... uh... furry?We really don't know, actually. We were doing our -- Transfiguration homework, and something, er, must've backfired...I didn't assign homework in Transfiguration yesterday.Well... um... I like pumpkin pie. Do you like pumpkin pie? I like pumpkin pie!Yes, I do, but we're not talking about --Who _doesn't_ like pumpkin pie? I mean, it's so pumpkiny and pie-like...!Well, yes, but --Orange is a great color, don't you think? Especially in a pie!I quite agree, Potter, but we --I just loooove pumpkin pie! Don't you love pumpkin pie?POTTER! I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE PUMPKIN PIE!Fine. Be that way.Now, why is Black covered in fur?You don't know what you're missing...Do you know how close you are to detention?I like pumpkin pie!I give up!

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Wow. That was... strange. If you want to know what's going on, I like to imagine Sirius is in the hospital wing after attempting his Animagus transformation. McGonagall is trying to get information out of James about what happened. Whether he is simply refusing to answer or has actually been brainwashed by pumpkin pie, I have no idea.

Disclaimer: I don't own Sirius, James, or Professor McGonagall. Nor do I own any pumpkin pie at the moment.


	2. Emu?

"Hey Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I call you Emu?"

"No."

"Aww, but..."

"No."

"It's your name --"

"What?"

"-- without the R and the S."

"But my name _has_ and R and an S."

"So?"

"So I'm a person, not a flightless bird!"

"But flightless birds are awesome!"

"So are janitors, but you don't want me to call you Jan the Janitor, do you?"

"I don't mind."

"Fine, _Jan_, I've got to get to Arithmancy."

"Okay, bye Emu!"

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Disclaimer: Max is a table! I don't own him, though, nor do I own HP.

PLEASE REVIEW!


	3. I Concur

Disclaimer: I'm a cheap imitation JKR.

A/N: This is based on one of many strange inside jokes I have with one of my friends (her account here is under the name caecandy.) She got the original idea from a movie she watched that I don't know the name of, and which I also don't own.

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"Sirius, do you concur?"

"With what, mate?"

"You don't need to know!"

"Yes I do!"

"Just answer me: _do you concur_?"

"_With what_?"

"Gah! People these days!"

"...Pete?"

"Yeah?"

"What d'you reckon that was about?"

"I dunno, but you should've concurred!"

"He didn't tell me what I was supposed to be concurring with!"

"So? Now he's mad at us!"

"What, so I'm supposed to agree – _concur_ – with him just to make him happy?"

"Well, yeah."

"You know, Wormtail, you place too much value on people's opinions of you."

"Well, if you're gonna be like that I think I'll go hang out with James – _I_, at least, concurred!"

"Hmph."

"Hmph what, Paddy?"

"Well, Moony, it's just been a hmph-y kind of day. First James started asking me if I concurred, and, you know, he didn't give me anything to concur with, so I had to say I didn't, and he stormed off. Then Peter went off on me saying I should've concurred with nothing whatsoever, and I told him he cared too much what Prongs thought, so then _he_ stormed off. And I haven't done anything to either – why are you banging your head on the table?"

"I've just realized..."

"Wait! You're not going to storm off on me too, are you?"

"No, Sirius, I'm not."

"What is it, then?"

"Well, last night James came in asking to borrow my dictionary."

"Why would you have a dictionary in the dorm with you?"

"None of your business. But the point is, he was muttering about 'his Lilykins.'"

"So you're saying dear old Jamesie was looking up random words to impress Evans?"

"Yep."

"Well, that backfired on him."

"... I concur."


	4. Evanesco and all that it entails

((Sorry if the formatting's completely screwed up, I'm really trying to thwart the odd little uploader.))

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"_Evanesco._"

"Gah! That little –" 

"Who? Whattie?"

"Snape just erased everything on my paper!"

"He _what_? Prongs, you'll never guess what just happened!"

"Sirius, I'm trying to sleep! I was up till three last night diagramming Quidditch moves, and you know History of Magic's the only class with a professor who doesn't take points off if we sleep." 

"Hasn't stopped Petey yet..."

"True."

"But I digress. Guess what just happened!"

"What?"

"_Snape's wife ate Moony's popcorn!_"

"Padfoot, you fruitball! That's not what I said!" 

"Wait, you mean to tell me _Snape_ has a _wife_?"

"What? Who's got a chihuaha?" 

"Nothing. Go back to sleep, Wormtail."

"Mmm."

"What do you mean Snape has a wife? _I_ don't even have a wife!"

"Moony, what in the name of my mother's best socks were you doing with a bag of popcorn in the middle of History of Magic?" 

"I said Snape erased my paper, not that his wife ate my popcorn!"

"AHA! So you admit he has a wife!"

"It's a chihuahua, I tell you!"

"I thought I told you to go back to sleep."

"Do chihuahuas eat popcorn anyway?"

"Oh, they'll eat anything. My aunt had one once."

"But would they marry Snape?"

"Yeah, really, who would marry Snape?"

"A chihuahua."

"A _rabid_ chihuahua."

"Great, so now Snape's rabid?"

"Yup."

"That's cool. Oh, by the way, my mailman's a vampire."

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Before you have me carted off to the asylum, I'd like to say that there is actually a story behind this ... this. Which means that if you take me, you'll ha ve to take half my algebra class along with me. Ah, well, they probably need it.

Also, I'm aware that 'fruitball' isn't a word. It just seemed like the appropriate thing to throw in there. Call it creative license.

On a mostly irrelevant note, Thanksgiving was this past Thursday and I got to have – you guessed it – Pumpkin Pie. Maybe it sent me a subliminal message to update... Ee.

Disclaimer : Characters courtesy of J.K. Writing courtesy of me. General idea courtesy of Jorge, Footless Person, and Grim Reaper / Hannah. Vampire mailman courtesy of Sid.

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Reviews would be welcome! )


	5. The Wrinkly Radish

As a matter of fact, I _am_ alive! And yes, Fall Out Boy was ... friggin' _stupendous_. Thanks for asking.

And now, without further ado... a disclaimer.

Disclaimer: MWPP belong to our lovely J. K. Rowling. And yes, my algebra class really did something along these lines (which is why it says car, candy, and the like instead of something appropriately magical or British) – can't you tell how well we focus? Special thanks to the awesomely awesome Mike, the non-sequiturishly non-sequitur-y Eric, and me.

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"Happy birthday Peter!"

"Um... thanks... mate? What exactly... is it?"

"It's my masterpiece!"

"... it's a radish on a scooter, Pete. He spent most of Charms getting it right."

"Oh, uh, thanks. Hey, give it back! That's my present, Padfoot!"

"I'm just improving it."

"Gee, thanks. Now there's a carrot too. ...Moony, not you as well!"

"No, no, now it's all the better. Rockets make everything better."

"Carrot-powered rockets? On scooters?"

"Yes."

"Well, well... I guess I'll have the pleasure of seeing this parchment that's keeping you boys so entertained."

"But – but professor!"

"That's his birthday present from James!"

"Though I'm pleased to see you speaking on his behalf, Mr. Pettigrew can get his present back after class."

"Ugh. She crumpled it up, too."

"Yeah, I know! Now my radish is all wrinkly."

"Stupid Hitler."

"What? Hitler was _not_ a radish!"

"How would you know?"

"I knew him personally; he stole my car!"

"What's a car?"

"It's those one dealies... the fish..."

"Hey... hey guys... _I AM NOT A CROOK!_"

"Good for you."

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"Professor, did you know it's Peter's birthday today?"

"Actually, yes, I did."

"We want candy!"

"Well that's nice Pete. Now you're a reason for random Ravenclaws to ask McGonagall for candy."

"You should be proud, Wormy. Bloody proud."

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Every time you review, a gopher gets its wings.


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